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The 5 Most Horrific Games Never Made

The 5 Most Horrific Games Never Made

The 5 Most Horrific Games Never Made

Most gamers are very familiar with the game Manhunt, a stealth game in which the object is to brutally kill the men hunting your character which is found in The 5 Most Horrific Games Never Made.  Legislators use this title as a launching point for their crusade against video game violence, and it has a certain effect on Our Youth.

Manhunt ain’t nothing.  In the end, you’re a character in a hockey mask stabbing people with broken bottles.  And you turn the game off.  No harm, no foul.  Since its release, teenagers have completely failed to rise up in bloody revolt and slaughter their adult masters.  The world is more or less secure.

The following five games are different.  Not a single one of them was finished before costing someone their life, their sanity, or worse.

5. Super Christ Tornament

Genre : Fighting

Developer : Kontaminate Software Press Kit Premise:

“The elder god Cthulhu has surfaced from the deep, cold waters of the Atlantic.  “I will devour the world and all who dwell within it,” said the god, his bubbling, thunderous voice cleaving men from their minds.  “If none of your puny deities can emerge victorious from my tournament and defeat me, all you have known shall be as echoes in space.”

Summary: Players were able to choose from such famous characters as Jesus Christ, the Anti-Christ, the Virgin Mary, Buddha, Shiva the Destroyer “(and more!)”, each with their own unique fighting style.

Spotlight of Horror: When the Virgin Mary’s special bar reached “full”, she was able to use the special ability “Immaculate Conception”, which pummeled her opponent into a KO with divine newborns.  She did not, unfortunately, throw them.

What Happened: When exiting a restaurant after a celebratory dinner, the entire development team was hit with eighteen separate bolts of lightning, and killed instantly.  This may have been taken as coincidence except for the fact that their charred, twisted bodies on the melted asphalt spelled out the phrase:  “Not funny, assholes.”

Despite what Christians say about giraffes, God has no sense of humor.

4.  Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas:  The Game

The 5 Most Horrific Games Never Made
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas:  The Game- The 5 Most Horrific Games Never Made

Genre:  Sandbox
Developer: Haxis Interactive

Press Kit Premise:  “This is the Grand Theft Auto killer you’ve been waiting for!  Based on the popular Johnny Depp movie, and faithfully adapted from the book by famous “Gonzo” journalist Hunter S. Thompson, wander the streets of 1970s Las Vegas as you’ve never seen it before!”

Summary: “Wander” was definitely the right word.  As sports journalist Raoul Duke, you were free to explore Las Vegas at your leisure while cursing the “filthy pigs” bumping into you, convincing your companion “Dr. Gonzo” out of giving pedestrians gills with his hunting knife, and vomiting.

Spotlight of Horror:  The drugs.  The developers made a half-hearted attempt at preventing players from abusing the over forty types of illegal substances in the game by implementing a “Wanted” system that increased every time you bought one of them from a dealer.  This was rendered ineffective, however, by the fact that when you took enough “uppers, downers, laughers or screamers”, you “leveled up” and were able to get high simply by filling a syringe with your own blood, and injecting it into your tear ducts.

What Happened:  While doing research in a filthy Thailand bar, Steve Manosa, the head developer at Haxis, massively overdosed on a cocktail of pure heroin and horse tranquilizers.  The project never recovered.

3.  Schrodinger’s Box Trap
Genre: Puzzle

The 5 Most Horrific Games Never Made
Schrodinger’s Box Trap
Genre: Puzzle – The 5 Most Horrific Games Never Made

Developer:  Fourth Eye Studios

Press Kit Premise:  “Lovers of Tetris, rejoice!  The next generation of puzzle games has arrived!  Unlock the secrets of Schrodinger’s Box by matching the falling key pieces into the lock!”

Summary:  The game was almost wholly programmed by Harris Fletcher, a quantum physics student at the now-nonexistent University of Mars, as an extra credit assignment.  On the verge of flunking the course and losing his scholarship, Fletcher cut all ties with his friends and sealed himself in his dorm room.

Spotlight of Horror:  During the programming phase, neighbors in Fletcher’s dorm made over three hundred reports to the University police about strange rippling effects in the walls, of hearing voices of long-dead relatives out to them, and what they could only define as “totally wicked deja-vu like all the time.”

What Happened: Late one night, while testing the nearly-completed game, Fletcher managed to create a complete key and unlocked the in-game box he had created.  A reality of space-faring humans who dwelled within shining citadels of gold and silver was overwritten in a heartbeat, leaving us with Los Angeles and American Idol.

2.  Delaware Smith and the Treasures of the Internet
Genre:  Educational
Developer: Kindersmarts! Games

Press Kit Premise:  “The villainous Victor Von Virus has taken Betty Browser to his Fortress of Domb (sic).  As famous adventurer Delaware Smith, swing, climb and swim through the wilds of the Internet to save her!  Ages 8-13.”

Summary: What distinguished DSatTotI from other Tomb Raider clones was that the game actively searched the Internet for pictures to decorate the walls of the “tombs”.

Spotlight of Horror: The in-game browser did not come with a filter.  Young tester Erik (last name withheld) had a fantastic time swinging past pictures of men holding their gaping assholes open with both hands, but his parents were less than amused.

What Happened:  After successfully avoided several child-endangerment lawsuits, the game has since been canceled, and “reimagined” as the adult title “Lisa Hott and the Burning Mound.”

1.  At Any Cost
Genre: Survival
Developer: Miles Sorazi Enterprises

Press Kit Premise: “Your plane has crashed on a tropical island, populated only by deadly animals and ravenous cannibals.  Your goal?  Survive AT ANY COST.”

Summary: The game featured an unprecedented amount of interaction with the environment.  It was possible to build traps and crude shelters out of the surrounding flora, to hunt any of the island’s forty species of animals, and create weapons such as spears and clubs out of appropriate items found around the island’s five miles of deeply-wooded land.

Well before the fateful press release, however, lone developer Miles Sorazi was already getting a lot of heat for rumors that the game allowed players to kill the tribesmen, eat their hearts “to regain health”, and wear their skin “for stealth”.

Spotlight of Horror:  Members of the gaming press at the Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3) shifted uncomfortably as Sorazi enthusiastically demonstrated the cannibalism and stealth elements of the game.  When he announced proudly that the tribesmen had sixty-three different ways of begging pathetically for their life, a few reporters excused themselves.  They would regret it, as the game’s crowning achievement was coming up.

When asked if “At Any Cost” had any save features, Sorazi nodded solemnly, and pointed the in-game camera at a nearby tree stump, promising that many others were located conveniently throughout the island.

“Please remember that the unnamed hero is completely alone on this island,” Miles said, pressing the action button.  On the screen, the character leaned down and scooped some mud from the ground.  “Everything and everyone else is trying to kill him.  As such, he is very lonely, and can only find peace when these feelings subside.”

The character packed the mud into a hole in the stump, shucked off his leopard pants, knelt, and as a British reporter stated later “Mass game-saving stump fuckery ensued.”

What Happened: After the game was unanimously renamed “Stump F*cker Island” by the national gaming press, Sorazi briefly moved onto other projects before being arrested for indecent exposure at a Yosemite campsite.

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